With all of her activities and appointments her participation and awareness really depends on the minute. I wish she would print out her anticipated seizure schedule because it would be extremely helpful for me as I create her schedule. If she's tired or cranky and has had a recent seizure this obviously negatively impacts her involvement. I try hard not to get frustrated since there is nothing I can do about it, but I have had to leave classes or sit to the side because it was just not going well. It is on these days especially, that I tend to question my reasoning for putting her in the classes.
Is she really benefiting from being a class that is geared towards typically developing kiddos? Am I only putting her in these classes because all of her siblings went through the classes? Is she in these classes simply because it is what I am used to doing with a child her age? Is she cranky because she is telling me this isn't the right class for her? Am I doing this class because deep down I hoping she will be more typical?
When I people watch during these classes I can usually see the concerned looks from other mom's who don't know about her diagnosis. They watch me interact with her and then give me a half crooked smile as our eyes meet. They watch her, they look at their child and they ask me if Sonzee was a preemie or how old she is. Sometimes I wish I could read their minds accurately because I would happily answer the questions it appears they are wondering. I wonder during these times if I am making a bad choice putting her in this type of situation. Or is it my feelings I am wondering about?
I tell myself it will be great for her in the long run being exposed to typically developing same aged peers, but will it? Or am I simply questioning my decision because of my discomfort? The awkward way I feel when I look around the room at all the typical kids. I wonder how much of my discomfort is in my head. I wonder if she would benefit more from a group interaction with others who are in the same developmental stage? Or is just me who might feel more comfortable?
When I am in these classes I am constantly wondering, "who am I in here for?"
Is she really benefiting from being a class that is geared towards typically developing kiddos? Am I only putting her in these classes because all of her siblings went through the classes? Is she in these classes simply because it is what I am used to doing with a child her age? Is she cranky because she is telling me this isn't the right class for her? Am I doing this class because deep down I hoping she will be more typical?
When I people watch during these classes I can usually see the concerned looks from other mom's who don't know about her diagnosis. They watch me interact with her and then give me a half crooked smile as our eyes meet. They watch her, they look at their child and they ask me if Sonzee was a preemie or how old she is. Sometimes I wish I could read their minds accurately because I would happily answer the questions it appears they are wondering. I wonder during these times if I am making a bad choice putting her in this type of situation. Or is it my feelings I am wondering about?
I tell myself it will be great for her in the long run being exposed to typically developing same aged peers, but will it? Or am I simply questioning my decision because of my discomfort? The awkward way I feel when I look around the room at all the typical kids. I wonder how much of my discomfort is in my head. I wonder if she would benefit more from a group interaction with others who are in the same developmental stage? Or is just me who might feel more comfortable?
When I am in these classes I am constantly wondering, "who am I in here for?"
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