Thursday, November 12, 2015

Joy

As you watch your child learn and explore it brings such joy to you as a parent.  They see the world from an entirely different view, and as a parent it can only bring a huge smile to your face to witness the pure innocence and intrigue.  With all three of Sonya's siblings, I have felt my heart burst with love, appreciation, joy, admiration, and pure excitement as I have watched them develop each of their own personalities, and turn into the little people they are.  They each make my heart swell with delight daily as I watch them interact with one another, learn a new skill, or just watch them be themselves.

If you had asked Sam 7 months ago if he thought Sonzee would bring us as much joy as our other children, he would have told you he doubted it.  While I was slightly offended that he felt that way and I was quick to reassure him that she could and would, I secretly held a bit of doubt within myself.  I thought to myself "how could it be possible for a child who is not supposed to be a functional member of society be able to do anything that could bring the same amount of fullness to my heart as her siblings."  It may sound awful, but when you find yourself in the deepest and darkest hole, the thoughts you have are not always ones you wish to look back upon with fondness.  I feel that our darkest days were justified at the time, but if I could go back to my "initial diagnosis days" self, I would tell her "it may not be what you intended for Sonzee, but just wait, you will see her prove you wrong in so many ways and so many times".


Just about every Tuesday afternoon I load up Sonzee and her older sister, and we head off to school to pick up their older siblings.  More often than not the Sonzee bear is taking a little nappy poo, and on those Tuesdays everyone piles into the minivan and we head home.  However, there are some Tuesdays where she is awake and appears to be taking in the scenery.  We pull into the parking lot and she is looking out of the window, often sucking her thumb.  I go and sign out her brother, and her sister follows shortly after.  They take off their backpacks and I load those into the front seat while they both climb to their car seats in the back.  As they enter the car they are greeted by an extremely ecstatic 2 year old shouting their names and so happy to be reunited.  They both need to be reminded at least 4 times to "say hi", and "be nice" all within 90 seconds of their arrival.  As our oldest makes her way to the back, she glances at Sonzee and notices she is awake.  No words are necessary for the story that the following pictures tell.

 
It is a completely indescribable feeling when you see your atypical child react in such a typical manner.  It is a moment like this that makes me convinced beyond any reasonable doubt that Sonzee bear is aware of her surroundings, that she is "cognitively with it", and that she loves and adores her "twin girl".  It is a moment like this that makes my heart overflow with such happiness, gratitude, joy, and love in such a way that I cannot articulate, nor even knew was possible just 7 months ago.  Without being placed in this situation, I never would know just how much joy I could experience in one single moment.  So in a way Sam was correct, Sonzee won't bring us as much joy as her siblings, she will bring us more.  


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