166 weeks

Dear Sonzee, 

Hi babygirl, how are you doing?  Last week ended with a big knot in my stomach that actually started to untie itself after we decided we were going to visit you yesterday. We sat for a bit by you, Meena wondered how I could sit on the black granite because it was so hot, but I am used to it from the past few years, and I know it can get much much hotter. Noam, Meena, and I painted you Passover rocks. For some reason, Laeya nor Tzvi were wanting to get out of the car, but I am sure they spoke to you from where they were. 

Last week started Passover, our 4th without you here. It sometimes still confuses me that it has been so long already since you have been gone, yet how at times it really does feel like it just happened. I wonder if that will ever change? I wonder if I would ever want it to? 

We had such a wonderful set of first days despite it being a 3-day yom tov. I honestly have never enjoyed one so much. We ate out during the day meals and Shabbas night but ate the Sedarim at home with both nights full to the brim with people. The kids swam with friends and there is a family from VV here renting the house around the corner and we have been having a blast getting to know them better. One of their daughter's is a cat whisperer and all 3 love her and all the love they get when she is around. Your siblings have been enjoying their spring break with them here. I have been reading a book series and because of the resilient parenting class I am part have, have been making an emphasis on taking care of myself and it has been great for everyone. I am so happy to be part of the program. 

We went indoor skydiving yesterday. I am torn on if you would have loved the wind in your face or would have hated it. I sometimes wish I knew about it prior to your death to have given it a shot, because I really don't know if you would have liked it or not. 

I am looking forward to the last days starting tomorrow night, especially since I am feeling so much better since having visited you. I have to make sure I have a yummy-smelling candle for you to light and to prepare myself for Yizkor. 

I have to run. I miss you.

Until next time.

Love always,

Ema

3 years 2 months and 2 days (165 weeks and 2 days)

Dear Sonzee, 

Today is 3 years 2 months and 2 days or 165 weeks and 2 days since you were last in my arms. This last week Tzvi had off of hockey until Sunday. Sunday was the first day in a week he stepped back onto the ice. He was so excited to be playing a pick-up game in the morning. He made some beautiful shots and played against and with some really skilled players. 

Meena gained her confidence back at gymnastics and has her beautiful round-off back handspring back! Monday started her first official Level 3 training day. Many of her friends went into Level 4, but it was decided by her coach and support by me, that it would be best for her to do Level 3 for her first year of competition. Watching her learn the routines I am confident this was the best decision for her. She is going to rock it! I see, and am hopeful it will be the case, that there will be a lot of shiny medals in her future. 

Noam finished off his 6 weeks of soccer and played a game on his last day of practice Sunday. Aba didn't get any video, but he scored 4 goals and apparently the score was 4-0. Aba is beginning to wrap his head around him playing soccer and not hockey. I am sure he will still attempt to get him into an ice hockey house league. 

Laeya finished up her babysitting course and started her CPR course. She is excited about future babysitting jobs. She has also been entering into true teenage land because she has been sleeping all the time. She grew 1/4 of an inch. She also got her cast removed. 

Today was farm day at FBC. It was nice to be back at Baldridge Farm, and only a bit challenging to be there. Noam, Laeya, and Meena picked so many flowers for the table tonight, which will be the 4th Passover without you here. That is a hard pill to swallow. Passover is always the start of the year for our holidays without you. I ordered flowers for myself, they look beautiful on the table as centerpieces. 

Anyway baby girl. Wish time could stand still. I have to run to get ready before the Chag starts!

Until next time.

Love always, 

Ema