Friday, November 27, 2015

Being Thankful

Life is constantly a balance between yin and yang; day and night, light and heavy, up and down for example.  Neither can really exist without the presence of the other.  As I scrolled through my Facebook feed over the past 24-48 hours reading status after status about what my friends are thankful for, I was thinking about what mine should say.  In all honesty while I am thankful for so many things, my thoughts are clouded by my desires for things I cannot control, and you guessed it, related to all things Sonya and CDKL5.

I wish I could say that "I am thankful I have four 100% healthy children, that I love how Sonzee and her older sister have the same bond that our oldest two children have (I was so looking forward to our 2nd daughter having her sidekick), that Sonzee is learning to crawl and can sit like a champ, that I am planning her first birthday party with excitement and can hardly wait to see if she reacts like her siblings when she sees her cake, and that our traveling was actually a challenge because entertaining a 9.5-month-old is so difficult."  These are simply a snapshot of what I WISH I could have written; part of the long list of things I want.  If I focus on those items it is easy to forget all of the things I do have.

It goes without saying that I am thankful for great friends and my family.  I am so extremely thankful for Sonya's medical team and all the medical interventions that have been provided to her.  I am thankful for our online CDKL5 support group where I have become instant friends with so many on a level that others will never fully comprehend.  I am thankful for the support shown to our family as we continue on this lifelong journey.  I am thankful for ALL of my children, and especially the bond our 3 older ones share.  I am thankful for how each of our older children the Sonzee bear with such love and care, and while they know she is different and wish she was not, they still interact with her as if she was typical.  I am thankful for Sam, all he puts up with, and all he provides for our family.  My list could definitely continue, but I will spare you all.

What I have realized over this Thanksgiving holiday is that in order for something to be complete, it needs to be composed of both a negative and a positive so a balance can be achieved and maintained. Our journey may not always be what we intended for ourselves, but it is what was provided to us so that we in turn can become balanced, whole, and complete.  This year especially I am thankful for my list of desires because it makes me beyond thankful for the things I actually have.
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