Today is day #1 of July 2020. This changing of the month didn't seem to come at me as quickly as others. Maybe I was more prepared? Maybe I am just getting used to it? Maybe I just feel removed from the concept of time? I can't figure it out, and honestly, I don't know if I even care to try. I will just accept it for what it is. Another 30 days has passed, and another 31 to go until I am right back into this cycle of having lived another month without her here. On Friday she will be given her 5-month glow in the dark rock, just another tangible reminder.
This July is going to be so different than how we have spent July's in years past. I suppose it is how it is supposed to be, but I am not an incredible fan of all of this change. There has already been so much unpredictability with this entire year and every moment since February 3, so I am really hoping for some peace and calmness to be blanketed over me. Our option b for July is also already seeing some kinks, so part of me says if there wasn't covid19, people could come and find me on the couch permanently for the next 31+ days with some tea, wine, and ice cream.
For now, I will bid a complete farewell to the first CDKL5 Awareness month that we endured without our little bear present. I will go into the front yard and remove the awareness yard sign and tuck it in its place, ready for its debut in June 2021. I will attempt to prepare myself for another month of new Sonzee-less family experiences and memories, and I will give myself a quick pep-talk while trying to reassure myself it will just be another month.