Monday, July 27, 2020

25 Weeks

Dear Sonzee,

I simply cannot believe we are just one week away from you being gone for 6 full months.  It seems as if an entire lifetime has occurred during that time, one where you aren't physically present in but yet you somehow manage to fill all the space around me. 

During this last week, we finally closed and moved into Bear Pines.  We took a family picture on the front porch and we held your place with one of your Sonzee Bears.  It isn't the same, but at least there is a place holder.  The house is slowly coming together, but I feel like it will never be complete.  It took me two full days before we got the front porch set up perfectly with patio furniture, the new address sign, and your windchime.  I finally drank my first cup of coffee sitting outside on Saturday morning.  My heart misses you terribly, but when I am outside I just think of that quote from "A walk to remember"; "our love is like the wind, I can't see it, but I know it's there" and every time, I start to hear the rustling of the leaves in the tall trees and there is an extra gust of wind that surrounds me. 

This whole moving forward thing isn't getting any easier, but it is definitely getting different.  We celebrated Tzviki's birthday yesterday.  I made him a hockey cake and aba and I continued to build furniture and organize.  Your siblings spent the day both inside and outside.  Noam is roaming around like the king that he is, and getting bossier if you can even imagine that.  I want to do something special to honor your 6 months, and while talking to Auntie A today, she helped me figure it out, so now I just hope it gets delivered in time for me to bring it to you next week.

Today begins on-line meetings for the new school year at FBC.  My mind is still a mess about everything.  Right now it is scheduled to start virtually in a week, but if it changes to in-person in 3 weeks I cannot figure out if I would want to go in?  Your siblings' school has yet to determine their course of action either, and I am also torn on whether to send them.  Everyone likes to point out children dying from covid19 is rare, to which I reply that you were rare and statistically about .002%.  Someone has to be the statistic and you were one, so they really mean nothing to me.  I am really just hoping everything stays virtual, but that is selfish ema talking.

I hope you are continuing to play with your friends and make new ones and do whatever it is that you want.  Remember you are loved and missed greatly!  Stay healthy and be well.

Love always,

The Mighty Contributor

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