On Monday it becomes June, another new month to start without her here. It also happens to fall on what will be another new week without her here. In 6 days it will be a complete 4 months without her here. I cannot comprehend how summer is already here. I really feel like I closed my eyes and it all happened in a blink, but yet it feels like the longest close to 4 months ever that I wish I could have actually slept through.
Every day since February 3 has brought something new. Supposedly the first year is the worst because of all the "firsts" you get to experience in a new way, but forget any of the special days, every day for the rest of my life is going to be something new I have to figure out without her here. I dislike all that comes with that little fact. Even in the crazy world of CDKL5 and Sonzee, we had a norm, we had a routine, and we had inconsistent consistency. There was comfort and familiarity in the inconsistent consistency and we even relied on it, or at least I did. I still feel so lost without her and the chaos as my guide, and I really really dislike all of this change.
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