Tonight starts the second "official" year of significant holidays you will be spending elsewhere. No wheeling your pink Rifton chair up to the table or making sure your red ppod is within sight. The pink chair is tucked away in your bedroom, but the red one is keeping one of your friends safe and comfortable. To say I am less than excited to celebrate any holiday since you've been gone is quite an understatement. My general disposition is blah with a very close side of about to meltdown into tears at any moment. We didn't even have the house Pesach ready until yesterday and honestly, not even all of it was, just the kitchen area I was cooking in. I wasn't even stressed, to be honest, my ability to give any amount of care was nonexistent. Fast-forward to 4:37pm just a few hours until Shabbat comes in and everything is somehow finished and ready for the 3 days of radio silence.
Savta is here, the last time we saw her was for your celebration of life. Who knew what would transpire over the last year when she flew back to Florida?! She is with aba and your siblings buying them all new dressy clothes for the holiday. I tried, I really did, I had the websites up to get your sisters matching dresses, and your brothers matching shirts and pants, but then like every other time I couldn't put anything in the cart. It is just too difficult to only buy 2 dresses, so I buy none. Then savta mentioned she wanted to take everyone to get clothing and I excitedly told her yes! Maybe they won't even match, but at least it won't taunt me that there are only 2 dresses at checkout.
I drove myself to Starbucks to get a cold brew. Aba packed all my yummy syrups into a box and put it in the garage and it was far too much work to make my afternoon coffee, so I took myself on a solo trip. The drive-thru line felt like it took forever, and as I waited my letter to you began to write itself. I find myself now outside on the porch swing you and nurse Karen spent many an afternoon on. The weather is absolutely perfect, the sun is in just the right position that it isn't in my eyes but its warmth is still able to be felt. The only thing missing is you.
I hope wherever you are celebrating your 2nd Passover seders tomorrow and Sunday night you are seated at a huge table with saba and everyone you want to be with who can be there with you. And I hope you get the same or similar silver sticker that we will give to Noam after he sings the 4 questions when you have your turn (or maybe not because you will find it babyish?!). Just know you will have a place by the table if you can pop in and the huge bouquet you will see on the table is in your honor.
We love and miss you, baby girl!
Until next time.