Monday, January 25, 2021

January 25, 2020

Day 2 of Hospice

Dear Sonzee, 

Today was Shabbat.  Auntie A came over in the morning.  She would later tell me that it was on this day that she realized the gravity of the situation.  The hospice nurse came to check on you and was so respectful of Shabbat.  He answered all of our questions the best he could and anything he needed to find out he went outside to call about and came back with answers.  At one point after he left, he ended up driving back to let us know some other information.

You finally started to look more like yourself today with much less swelling.  Thank g-d the medication worked.  The negative of that is for the rest of your life it would mess with our minds that you were actually doing better.  We would have to remind ourselves that while yes you looked significantly better, the reason for that was the significant decrease in your fluid intake and the lack of feeds.  The feed part was the most challenging concept for aba and me, but like hospice explained multiple times, it is like when you are sick with a nasty virus and you have no desire to eat, if we made you eat it would be worse.  (Aba did occasionally try to increase your fluid rate, but would quickly realize your body just couldn't do it anymore).

Today hospice of the valley came out to do your fingerprints and some hand and foot molds.  The full circle experience was that one of your nurses from PCH happened to be the person to come and do those molds for you.  I wonder if she felt some sort of completeness to be able to do these for us?  For me, it felt comforting and fitting to have someone who had cared for you be the one to take your last foot and handprints. Today was also the day that Rabbi Rodal came over to do the priestly blessing for you, it would be the last time you would hear it.  

After Shabbat ended I gave you a bath, you were so tired, you slept through it.  Mrs. Emily and Mr. Andrew came to take our pictures.  My only regret is that I didn't bother having everyone wear anything matching.  My brain was saying just keep everything real.  I wish I would have at least had you match your sisters one last time.  With a disaster in the background of almost every picture, we took our very last set of professional complete family pictures by our friends.  They are the pictures I will cherish forever, and will probably be the last set I will ever hang on the walls if I can ever bring myself to even do that.

Today was a successful day but would be another day closer to the day you felt we were ready for you to be able to leave.

Until tomorrow.

Love always, 

The Mighty Contributor

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