Friday, June 12, 2020


Watching television isn't really a big thing for me.  Every once and awhile there is a show Sam and I will watch together, and on occasions, I will find a show that I watch myself.  My typical rules are usually light and airy comedies or lately every DisneyNature episode on Disney+.  I decided yesterday maybe I should consider watching a new show, so, last night I ventured over to Netflix.

Sweet Magnolias showed up immediately as a recommendation and I figured, why not?  I pressed play, and season 1 began.  Somehow the episodes were flying by and I decided to look down at my phone notice I had missed some texts from my sister.  I saw the time and realized I had not yet taken a shower and after mentioning that to my sister I wrote the words "this takes me back to the days of Sonzee's hospitalizations"...and then I hit erase.  I put the phone down immediately and got up to go take the shower.

In May of 2016 during Sonzee's 28-day hospitalization I binge-watched the entire series of "Parenthood".  My favorite part besides cuddling next to Sonzee and figuring out ways to prop up the computer on either the food tray or my lap without annoying her was having to explain to every nurse or doctor who walked in I wasn't crying over Sonzee, but rather the show.  Eventually, my "hospital show" became This Is Us, I was all caught up by the end of her 22-day stay in December of 2018, but she never had another lengthy hospitalization to watch any of the episodes that came out after.  I have no intention of ever finishing that show. 

Sometimes I am proud of myself for not being aware of certain obvious situations for a little because, eventually, it becomes obviously apparent and it's too late to hit the breaks before the inevitable crash takes place.  I found myself unable to stop the hysterical sobs that accompanied me into the shower, it's almost too much to handle at times.  The traditions that were created out of less ideal situations became my comfort, they became my norm, they were things that were just for her and I.   So I will tell myself that she is sitting here with me as I watch a show that 150% would have become one of our "hospital shows" to watch together, but there is no way now that it will be without a box of tissues, and this time, the tears will be over Sonzee.

The Mighty Contributor

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