Every time we make a decision, we wonder if said decision will result in a positive outcome. There have been so many times along this journey that the decisions have resulted in a domino game effect with literally no end in sight. Along the way we have almost become numb to the negative outcomes, I say almost, because even though we say we are numb, we are simultaneously saddened and frustrated with the choice that led to the undesired outcome. Despite the fact that even though I can assure and reassure myself "we made the best decision with the information that was presented at the time" it never quite seems to soften the blow. However, there are definitely rare times throughout this adventure that we happened to make a decision that 100% was unarguably the best decision ever.
Usually the results of our choices do not present themselves immediately because in the land of CDKL5 you can be assured that the term patience will hold an entirely new meaning. Then one day something will occur and it will dawn on you that "yes indeed that was the best decision ever". The decision for us to give Sonzee a feeding tube was never one we entered into lightly. In summary, after months of little bear not gaining adequate weight we had a consultation for a feeding tube to be placed in her stomach. Prior to her surgery she had a negative reaction to IV fluids that were ran too quickly and almost killed her. During that hospitalization, she was diagnosed with an abnormal background on her EEG and Infantile Spasms that resulted in high dose steroids and so the surgery was postponed. After many days of back and forth between many medical professionals, it was decided that Sonzee should have a PEG tube placed. After the PEG tube was placed, we were uncertain if this was actually the best decision for the bear. She was not gaining weight, she was having severe reflux, increasing irritability, and difficulty with not vomiting up everything she consumed. Finally, in May we hit our breaking point and she was hospitalized for a month resulting in us leaving with an intestinal feeding tube (NJ tube).
Sonzee has been discharged from the hospital for one month and 17 days. She has grown at least 2 inches and has gained at least 4 pounds. Finally, our little bear is getting adequate nutrition and she is beginning to thrive in so many areas. I look back on my concerns regarding this feeding tube adventure and fear was ranked high, followed closely by wondering if a tube would even help or how this would negatively impact her quality of life. So many parents have asked me if we think we made the right decision in pursuing a feeding tube for Sonzee, and I used to waver in my replies. If you ask me today how we feel about Sonzee not eating by mouth and having all of her nutrients be given solely through a feeding tube, we will answer "Undeniably the BEST decision we have made. Do NOT fear the tube."
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