Monday, May 2, 2016

Something's got to give

I'm sitting here in Atlanta awaiting my next flight.  The flight that I scheduled on a  "I need to get away and have some mandatory much needed girls vacay and cuddle a brand new baby while reminiscing about the good old college days with my sorority little sister and best friend" whim.  The flight that I knew if I didn't book the minute I did, I never would.  The trip that was planned to be taken solo but as the week approached I realized that there was no way I would even be able to breathe much less enjoy myself if I didn't have a close eye on Sonzee bear.  So here I am at gate A05 in Atlanta's Hartsfield Airport waiting on our last leg of the trip to Ft. Myers...smelling of vomit and holding back tears.

I'm at such a loss.  For starters the tears might not be so forth coming had I even slept 30 minutes on the red eye portion of the trip.  Between Sonzee laying across me, me trying to keep her comfortable so she could sleep and also allow everyone else on the flight the chance to do the same, and my inability to sleep on airplanes, here I am...red eyed and choking back the tears as I write.

It's been weeks since Sonzee has been able to keep her food down.  Weeks.  Her poor tummy just can not digest the food she takes in at a normal rate.  She is constantly crying in pain and we are always trying to vent her tube (let the air out of her stomach directly) to little avail.  If we are successful then she keeps her food in, but she isn't able to consume the amount she needs in order to grow and gain adequate weight.  This tube was supposed to help her and solve all the weight issues, but like everything else with the bear...it's never that straight forward.

Gah!

Here I am sitting here at the gate waiting to board the next flight and she threw up again!  I am out of changes of clothing, she is sopping wet, my hair and clothing smell like her nasty formula concoction.  She is finally asleep and most likely won't eat for a good majority of the day.  I'll attempt to get some calories in her or at least hydration, which will work for the day- but in another two we will be back in the same predicament. 

We have a call into the GI office, but unfortunately their first appointment is August 8...AUGUST 8...WHAT?! It is May 1.  How is this girl supposed to wait until August with these issues???  How am I supposed to keep watching her suffer?  This is beyond awful and I'm broken again.  

Her recently unveiled personality abundant with smiles and sweet sounds are the only things that are keeping this portion of the coaster bearable.  I love her personality and I love her new capabilities.  She is so happy and it makes my heart swell with amazement and pride.  My heart aches simultaneously because she can not seem to catch a break...there is always something with the Sonze, and honestly, something has got to give.