98 weeks

Dear Sonzee, 

There is a lot that happened over the last 7 days.  For starters, we closed on a new house.  The waves of excitement that occur have been followed by waves of tears and an extra dose of heartache.  My emotions bounce back and forth like a ball during a ping pong match.  I am overall extremely content with where this journey is taking us, but the fact that you won't ever physically enter the house crushes me.  The fact that your swim spa won't be coming hangs over me like a dark shadow.  While I know where the saved items of yours are going, the fact that you don't have your own room hurts my heart.  As the truck delivered all of what wasn't ruined during the flood I looked inside the truck for your stuff.  I knew it wasn't on the "keep" list, but I hoped it might have been considered damaged but still tucked away inside.  It was not.  Well except for that horrible chair that none of your nurses ever complained about, despite it being a horrible chair, that somehow managed to sneak itself onto the truck.  I chuckled when I saw it, I know you left that for us.  It will go into Noam's room.

Your brother had a lot of hockey this last week (I know what is new?!).  They are consistently inconsistent, so I never know what the games will bring.  They win some and lose some, but occasionally nurse Paige comes to watch and you know how I love to dress in all my hockey mom gear, so I am not complaining.  Laeya finished her last bat-mitzvah class she and I were doing together.  I cannot believe it is a month away.  I cannot believe on the Hebrew calendar her birthday and your yahrtzeit are just a couple of weeks away.  I'd ask how, but I know the answer, it's just life. 

This last week was the last before I started winter break.  I cannot believe we are halfway through the year.  I really shouldn't be surprised, after all, life.  Last week Meena managed to break her expander.  I have zero idea how she manages to do what one would assume is impossible, but leave it to her to have performed such magic.  She is back to patching her eyes again.  I bet you would have enjoyed not patching alone.  

This last week someone in the community passed away, but I couldn't bring myself to attend the funeral because it was under the same pavilion as yours.  I still have flashbacks to the service.  I can still feel how surreal it was that it was your funeral.  I can still remember staring at the fan blades just spinning around.  I don't remember much of being there, but some images still replay in my mind.  I just couldn't sit there unoccupied with my thoughts.  Aba went, he said the person pulled in about the same numbers as you.  He then visited you because people asked him to show them where you were located.

It is only my second round of this time of year without you, but I am already dreading the next 7 weeks until after your English birthday.  I would say I hope it goes by quickly, but that would be a lie because that just means more time between us.

Anyway baby girl.  I know you are the puppet master of my life right now, so I will do my best to let you control the strings even though it isn't easy.  I know you are with us wherever we are and I can't wait to eventually move in (after we remodel the kitchen and a bathroom) and unpack whatever we have left of yours. 

I love you so much and miss you tons!

Until next time. 

Love always!

Ema