91 weeks

Dear Sonzee, 

This has been one of those long weeks.  It isn't long in terms of how quickly it went by, but in grief it was lengthy.  It feels like it has been an eternity since last week's letter to you.  This week I found out that your tile was created and placed at Ryan House.  To be honest, I have not even posted about it or shared the picture of the tile that Corrinne's mommy so kindly sent to me.  I can't bring myself to go and see it myself.  It is right up there with avoiding your grave. I am so sorry.  I hope I can eventually bring myself to go.  Ironically when we toured Ryan House in 2016 I remember thinking how amazing that memorial garden was, and I knew one day you would have a tile placed on the wall and I pictured myself sitting out there.  Fast forward to reality and I haven't been able to attend the virtual breakfasts they have had since your death or drive near the building.  A place that just two years ago last week you had what was unknown to all of us, your final stay there.  A place that once brought our entire family peace and comfort, and now, I cant stomach its existence.

This week we began apartment living.  I am just going to put it out there, I am not an apartment living sort of gal.  It certainly has perks and privileges (like the cold brew on tap), but otherwise, I am thankful we know we have an end in sight and it won't be permanent.  Our first Shabbat there was really amazing, to be honest, there are so many religious families.  We ended up sitting downstairs outdoors and bringing our food down for a potluck.  In the process I realized we have no one under our unit despite being on the third floor, and that we are directly over the 3 floor high ceilings of the lobby.  Winning!  The plus is now I can stop yelling at your siblings for jumping around, the negative is they now know no one is under them so they remind me when I tell them to stop jumping around. I probably should have kept that knowledge to myself, but you know how I get when I am super excited.

Tzvi had his first tournament this weekend.  I will say overall the team improved from game one to game four, it was just heartbreaking they didn't snag a win.  They played well, but they played against some amazing teams.  This week we head to Chicago for another tournament and we are all really excited, except I am fighting with the emotional component of how easy planning and executing it all has been without you here.

Anyway baby girl.  I hope you have a great week.  Stay safe and healthy!  Come and visit, please!  I miss you greatly!

Until next time.

Love always, 

Ema