67 weeks

Dear Sonzee, 

It is mind-boggling it has been 67 weeks (and one day).  I am sorry I am a day late, it was Shavuot and time got away from me Sunday so I couldn't pre-write my letter to you.  I am unsure if I am more astonished 67 Mondays have passed without you here or that I have written you 67 unanswered letters.  This last week Meena decided to try out for the competition team at gymnastics.  She made it on to the developmental team.  She is not exactly thrilled that she is with younger kiddos, but I remind her she literally started her journey 7 weeks ago (this week) and they have been practicing for years.  They told her she is advanced on the floor and beam, but that her bar skills need improvement due to lack of strength. So, naturally, I have downloaded conditioning charts and I am fairly certain in no time she will be moving on through the developmental team groups.  In fact, while at Bear Pines this weekend she taught herself a back handspring and backflip on the trampoline.  (If you could spot her every time she tries these you know I would be forever grateful).

On Sunday we all came to visit you with Tzvi's hockey trophy. I am sure you knew because we felt your winds.  We took our family picture with your gravestone and gave an extra shoutout for all of your help this season helping your brother and his team with this achievement.  If it isn't too much this week is his tryout for next season, we are really uncertain which of 3 teams will be his best fit, so we will see what gets taken off the table on its own before it becomes his choice.  These things are always so stressful for me.  I know whatever happens will be what is best and meant to be, but it is just so hard watching your siblings feel disappointed.

This Sunday started "birthday week" for Meena.  I don't understand how she will be 8. I still remember dragging her all around town to all of your therapies watching Frozen a dozen and one times when she was hardly 2.  I miss that I would have an 11, 9, 8, 6, and 3.5 years old.  I don't know how you are 6, so everyone else aging is really challenging for me.  On the same note, Tzvi started his "Ten weeks until ten".  His first gift was a 4 pack of hockey stick holders for his bedroom.  He is going to have a hockey room transformation.  I don't really understand all of this aging business, to be honest.

We leave for NY in a month and 2 days.  I may bring Mermie with me, even though I know it isn't a replacement for you.  It just feels like I am always leaving something somewhere when it is just the fact that you are not with us.  Today was Yizkor again.  I was caught off guard when I remembered Sunday night.  I am sorry I didn't have my red candle for you.  I won't make that mistake again, but thankfully Morah Zupnick had a pretty holder for a white candle for you.  Maybe it was because I was caught off guard but the last 36 hours I felt like I fought back tears more than I had this last week.  So many conversations brought lumps into my throat.  Ones I have had plenty of times, but for some reason or another were harder to have.  It is so random how grief happens.  I think that is something I accept but am still surprised by.  Maybe grief finds it comical to change things up, to make sure we don't get too complacent and that we remain on our toes?  Who knows?

Anyway my love. I hope you are being safe and having a blast!

Until next time.

Love always, 

Ema