It was suggested to us that we begin to make plans at this point so that any decisions that can be, will be made in advance. For everyone who has said "you are so strong", or "you are incredible", I hand you back those words, medals, and sashes. Yesterday, I was not equipped with the appropriate amount of strength to get me to go "cemetery hopping". Instead, it was my amazing sister who graciously volunteered without even being asked and Sam. I gave my "requests" and they did their best to make sure they will come to fruition. I say requests like these things have been sitting in my mind for a lengthy amount of time, but the truth is I didn't even know I even had them more than 24 hours ago.
Watching my child suffer over the last 4 years 11 months and 16 days of her life has drained so much of me mentally and physically, I think my strength quota has been reached. The last 4 years 11 months and 16 days apparently isn't going to earn me much reprieve in how the remainder of this story is going to be written. There is not going to be any first day of kindergarten picture or any sassy turning away when she wants nothing to do with us. There is not going to be any more "hooray for Sonzee's" or cheering over some almost met inchstone. While I am extremely grateful we are getting to segway into this new chapter on our little bear's own terms when she is ready, everything our family has endured with her isn't earning us an alternative ending, so whatever strength might remain after all of this is said and done, I am going to need to write my own.
Querida mamá; no sé que decir para aliviar tu dolor, no hay algo más triste que ver sufrir a nuestros hijos, soy mamá de tres, La mayor de 5 años Valentina presenta Cdkl5, y puedo imaginar lo difícil que son nuestros días, pero Dios nos da una fuerza increíble. Un abrazo grande y cariños al osito hermoso.
ReplyDeleteSunday was the anniversary of losing Sorrel. I was with someone who has only known me for a year. She knew I was sad and began a litany of platitudes. Sorrel came to teach you, she brought you and your daughter close, she was only meant to be here a short time. I sat thinking she was giving me all the "head" answers and what was hurting was my heart. Please know I have been praying for you and your precious Sonzee. Now my heart aches for her and for you.
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