Monday, May 14, 2018


"You can't change the outcome, but you will never get the time back"-Raquel Schnitzer

There have been a lot of different things going on lately, none of which I have any control over, and  naturally that sends my brain into a tailspin.  The fear of the unknown tends to paralyze me in a way that makes me over analyze and panic about every little thing.  No matter what I do it is nearly impossible for me to stay focused in the moment and actually be present because I am dreading what might be.  I dislike the feeling immensely, but also have found it an insurmountable task to focus on anything but, until yesterday.

Yesterday was mother's day.  A day that I have been honoring for myself since 2010 when our first daughter was born.  So much has happened to make me the mom that I currently am over these past 8 years.  Yesterday standing outside a Starbucks after painting pottery Sam took this picture.

Image may contain: 6 people, including Randi Zaila, people smiling, people sitting

I studied this picture over and over, and the quote above struck me like a lightning bolt.  Whatever "big picture" outcome is going to unfold in the lives of my children or myself I will never have a say.  As hard a pill that is to swallow, I cannot do anything about it.  I can assist with the twists and turns, but if I spend all my time and energy worrying about where the roads will lead I am going to miss the entire point and joy of this life.  Eventually the answers to all the questions will be given.  They may or may not be the ones I want, but in the end, what will matter is what we all did together and the fun times we had in the process.  

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