I finally made myself visit you, well it was more the piles of rocks that were acquired during our summer travels sitting on the counter in need of being brought to you. You finally have those now along with the soap stone characters you get for the bigger milestone dates.
Today 135 weeks and 2 hours and 30 min ago you were finally at peace, or so we think and hope. In the week that followed your death we honored your first missed birthday with painted rocks. 2 years and 7 months later the inspiration we were given by Mrs. Penny to paint those rocks has spread throughout the cemetery. I will be honest, there was a point on this grief journey I loathed seeing other plots decorated with painted rocks. It made me furious people were painting rocks for their parents or grandparents, they weren’t young, it was MY thing for YOU…a child, UNDER 5…but today, today I walked the rows of the cemetery in 108 degrees and smiled at how YOU in yet another way have made such a positive impact in this current world. Every row has at least one plot with at least one painted rock, some have many more. Some families have painted every rock like us, others just a few. It didn’t make me angry (today). Today in the hot breeze I felt you wrapping yourself around me telling me, “Ema, look…I did this…I can do so much now.”
This past week was a busy one. Your sister has gymnastics 3 days a week now for 8.5 hours total, your brother has hockey for his absurd number of hours, I am working full time and have even been meal prepping and planning for lunches and dinner and the house is JUST ABOUT fully finished! (We are awaiting pavers).
On Tuesday last week I went to the back to school night for your siblings. There are so many new teachers I felt I should actually go this year, so with some help from Bubbie we made it all work. I listened to all of their teachers talk, but one of them is a newly bereaved parent…I couldn’t help but think to myself how I doubt anyone else was thinking about that fact (if every parent even knew). I couldn’t help but focus on the fact that life goes on and work continues and it’s just how it is. I realize that’s what I do every day, and I doubt many if any people think about that when they look at me either…it’s just not what happens…it’s weird. (Oh apparently in 2.5+ years I have yet to find a better word besides weird.
This week I took some of your clothing out of boxes and put them in a new box to ship to someone to make us another quilt. I am torn between two background fabrics, but they both include red and bears. I will decide this week I guess. I also took Mermie and little Mermie out of the box and put them on the shelf above your rifton. It feels more complete…I even put up your name letters, which happened to fit perfectly in the space. As aba said, it’s perfect, minus you not sitting your chair. Which I went on to say, well we couldn’t put her in the corner, and he said, oh please Sonzee would love to be in the corner…
Your brother had his first tournament of the season. They didn’t do as well as everyone had hoped, but now they all know what to focus on for the season. He is playing center this year and he is feeling the weight of his new role, but he is doing great, he just needs to gain confidence. We shall see where his team is placed in the division.
Poppop turned 70 on Friday and we had a nice Shabbat dinner at the house for him. We did a surprise dinner that Bubbie planned, complete with the huge lot up birthday sign in the front of our yard. I think he enjoyed it! It was nice to have a big Shabbat dinner in the dining room! I am so looking forward to many many more!
Anyway baby girl…you are beyond missed and loved!
Until next time.
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