Wednesday, June 29, 2022

125 weeks and 2.5 days

Dear Sonzee, 

I think I have mentioned before that some weeks fly by and others seem like they slowly drag by.  It isn't in the physical day-to-day sense, but more from the mental perspective.  I wrote you a week ago, but honestly, it feels like it has been so much longer.  If I had to assign a reason I am pretty sure it has to do with what the week was filled with.  This last week was so physically draining with our drive from Phoenix to New York and then getting set up in the house paired with visiting uncle, Hay-Hay, and your new cousin, and then the start of camps for your siblings.

During our drive to NY, we went into gas stations that had key chains.  While your siblings grabbed the ones they wanted I noticed a heart-shaped rock with the state name, perfection.  I knew this was perfect for you.  We didn't stop in every state, but we ended up with three states.  My new activity will be collecting heart-shaped rocks for you with every state on them!

We arrived in our home for the summer a week ago.  It was really an amazing trip, filled with a spontaneous stop in Casey, Illinois, where we saw some amazingly huge items (think the world's largest rocking chair, mailbox, taco, key, golf tee, etc.)

I spent Wednesday through Friday getting the house set up and buying all the things we needed for the house and last-minute items for your siblings for camp. On Friday was aba's birthday!  He turned 40!  Insane that he is now in his 40s and I am on his tail.  He was still in Arizona with Tzvi, so Morah Zupnick helped pull off some birthday specialness and I had cardmyyard attack the front yard with a huge sign (hahaha). 

On Sunday was meet baby Isla day!  It was amazing!  She is so adorable.  One of your siblings mentioned how you won't get to meet her and asked how she will know about you.  I said we would tell her.  I honestly hadn't given it that much thought because I didn't anticipate that she wouldn't learn about you or know you, but I have to admit it does suck we won't ever have a complete cousin picture.  There will always be you missing, and that will always be painful to see.  I stayed up with her and took night duty and she is such an amazing first baby, so chill.  We warned uncle the next one won't be the same (hehe). I couldn't get enough snuggles with her.  (so obviously I will be going back a lot this summer)

I went to get aba and Tzviki from the airport after the all-nighter and then we went back to uncle and Hay-Hay's. Eventually, we drove back up to VV and it was the last night before camp.  Yesterday we dropped off Noam at day camp and then drove to PA to drop off the elders.  I have been stalking their pictures since they left.  It is always a challenge for me to remind myself that it is just camp and (g-d willingly) they will be coming home at the end of the summer.  I talk myself down a lot when the initial panic begins to pop in and overall I am doing okay.  It is just hard.  You being gone is hard.  You never coming back is harder. The reality when it punches me is the hardest.  The permanence is like a punch to the gut that removes all the air from my lungs. 

It still sucks.

Anyway, baby girl, I will write more about VV soon! Missing you and loving you!

Until next time.

Love always, 

The Mighty Contributor

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