86 weeks

Dear Sonzee, 

Today at 1:08pm, 86 weeks will have passed since we last were together.  How has it been that many Mondays since you were here.  Why does part of life seem so normal, and the other part seems like I am living on an alternate universe?!  Sometimes saying the weeks make it seem so far away, and then this weekend I told someone almost 20 months and they responded with a huge sigh and said, "that just happened, it is so fresh".  I never know what the time frame will mean to another person, it is more interesting to me than anything else.  But also, in the split second it takes for a reaction to occur I find myself holding my breath afraid of what they might say.  In this case I felt a quick sense of relief and then in my mind realized how recent it really was despite how long it feels.

This weekend someone asked how many kids we have.  I paused and decided to phrase my answer in a way that I had secretly hoped would be overlooked, but that kind of backfired.  I said, "I have 4 here". In my mind it was an honest answer, and I assumed the "here" part would be unnoticed.  Instead, it was followed up with, "here? are there children somewhere else?".  Which resulted in laughter from everyone around including myself and aba, but then I felt so badly when I had to interrupt the happy mood with, "well, umm, actually, we have 4 children here, we had 5 children, we had another daughter, but she died".  I really dislike how the mood shifts from cheery and festive to morbid in a matter of seconds.  We spoke about you for a bit, which is always nice, we told them how Bear Pines is completely in your honor and inspired by you.  Then someone asked what was on aba's socks and we said, "oh, so the daughter that died, it's her", and then aba explained how he wears you every weekend because it is how he keeps you around with us.  

Tonight, is Corr's celebration of life.  We sadly will not be able to go because of the beginning of last days of Sukkot, but hopefully you are able to stop by.  I hope you girls found each other and are having a blast living your new lives together.  Miss Brittany and I miss you both ridiculously! 

Your siblings finished one week of their 2 weeklong fall break.  It has been a bit insane, except I really cannot comment so much because I have been working and will be besides the days I have taken off for the holiday's until they go back to school.  Then it will be my fall break and they will be back in school.  We finished our first full week in the new Airbnb, minus this weekend because we went to Bear Pines.  Tzvi’s hockey games start soon, and we sadly will not be able to go away for the weekends as much as I would like, but we do have a trip planned to Chicago for one of his tournaments and I am pretty excited about that.

Anyway, my love.  We miss you beyond words and hope you are safe and doing well.  

Until next time.

Love always, 

Ema