Here we meet again. Another week, another Monday without you here. I will admit that although nothing has changed as far as you being gone over the past month, it has been a bit of a relief to not have any significant days surrounding you this last week. I feel as if I can go back to breathing. It certainly isn't the way it once was, but it is certainly much improved from the way it had been with all of your anniversary and birthday dates. I am starting to slowly emerge from the really deep pit onto a little ledge in the pit. It isn't much of an improvement, but it feels significant for my ability to function so there is that.
Today marks the final Monday of 2021. It also marks another round of 19 days of February you haven't been part of for 2 years. There is just so much you have missed and are missing here, and meanwhile, I am missing watching all of your firsts. This whole arrangement honestly sucks. I have been trying to read inspirational religious books to somehow attempt to make sense or cushion the whole concept that there is some significant reason this all had to occur that I am just not privy to yet. It isn't exactly working. Maybe it is my fault that my belief isn't where it should be or needs to be because I can't be okay with that, but at the same time, it isn't for a lack of trying. I just can't blindly accept that as a satisfactory answer. Maybe one day? Maybe the same day I get to see you again and all the blanks are filled in?
This week at swim it was the first time Noam was so excited to go in the pool. He kept asking if it was his turn the entire time Meena and Tzvi were swimming. On that note, yes, Tzvi is back to swimming. Everyone else was swimming on the same night and with no hockey at that time I said, "in you go". Meena and Tzvi are actually in the same class, they seem to enjoy swimming together. Well, I think he is enjoying nagging Meena the entire time, but regardless, for me, it is 1 less hour I have to hear it.
I am unsure if you noticed, but I set up a couple of new baskets for you so the rocks aren't all over the place. I can't completely figure out how exactly I want it, so I feel like it will be this ever-changing process, but the baskets make it feel less cluttery. There was apparently an issue with your bench that required it to be sent back to the monument company, but Mr. Ira assured me it should be back and fixed by the end of this week. I am really interested in knowing what exactly the issue was, but I am not sure he will give me that information. I am sure it is to prevent me from getting upset, and he is fixing whatever it is, so I am just eager to see it (but I really hope it isn't an issue with being able to hold me up while I sit...please don't laugh too hard if it is and I cause it to break in half). Your yahrtzeit block is finally up and the correct red-colored candle holder is now in place. I verified it Thursday since the first time it was blue.
Anyway my little bear. I miss you a lot, as Noam would say when I ask him how much I love him, "too much". To which I will reply the same, "it can't ever be too much". Be safe, and have fun. Come and visit me!
Until next week.