Monday, February 8, 2021

53 weeks

Dear Sonzee, 

We are officially one week into year number two without you.  I think year one for me was better because one week into year one I spent in denial and that lasted for probably an additional 20 weeks more, maybe even more.  Year two, there is no more denial, it is just a fact that you are gone.  There is no way to cushion that reality.

Last week completed the second honoring of the day you left us, this time on the English calendar.  It was a pretty rough day for both aba and me.  I anticipated it to be as awful as it was, but aba didn't, so that was something he had to deal with on top of the day itself.  

I couldn't find a name to describe your anniversary that felt right.  Some people refer to it as the name of the child who passed combined with anniversary (ie: Sonzeeversary) or "angelversary".  I don't know. Neither really fits for me.  I just continue to call it the day you died.  So many people reached out to us last week.  We have so many bouquets of flowers, we were brought dinner, I was given some relaxation items and Mrs. Tanzer even made me her amazing sangria.  I ended up making it into work and survived the day.  I am pretty sure I was meant to go because of the conversation I ended up having with Ms. Barb while I sat outside and tried not to completely fall apart. 

Laeya finally convinced aba to get her a kitten. She has been having such a tough time with you gone and she has wanted a kitten for so long.  This little 4lbs of cuteness has turned out to be exactly what she needs.  She is the perfect cuddle companion, and now along with her fuzzy and Sonzee bear, she fits right into her lap for nighttime snuggles.  The only "challenge" is girlfriend cries for her mommy all day long, so as soon as Laeya gets home from school, little Bindi is beyond excited.  Brucie and Bianca have zero desire to engage with a kitten, but you would probably find it funny watching her try to hang with them.  Their body language is similar to how you were when you didn't want to be bothered, they just turn away and get comfortable.

Everyone is painting you special rocks for your birthday this coming week.  I still don't quite understand how you died 4 and will be turning 6 and it's only been a year.  Glittery/sparkly/shiny is the theme, so your rocks will be done accordingly and we have 6 pinwheels that Laeya and I put together to place on your grave along with a birthday sign (or two).

Anyway my love.  I miss you SO much!

Until next time!

Love always, 

The Mighty Contributor

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