40 weeks

Dear Sonzee, 

I have learned a lot since you came into my world and then left it.  Early on at the beginning of our journey together it was evident that I had no control.  No matter what my type A personality tried to convey, reality would essentially slap me in the face, and so eventually, slowly, but surely, I learned to let things go.  I italicize learned because anyone who knows me even a little bit will tell you that while this trait has improved, it is nowhere near perfect, however, for anything on the smaller scale of significance I can take a deep breath and quickly move on.  That is why yesterday when our (dreaded) family pictures required being postponed to today after I was already on the verge of an emotional breakdown I didn't get angry, I just decided to put your siblings in their clothing, Aba in his, me in mine, and took some pictures with the snow falling, regardless of my less than professional photographer status.  (Don't worry, I have since done 7 loads of laundry and we saved your mermie and bear for today, using only the special rock I painted with yesterdays date).  I am unsure how it will go today, on a Monday, the same day of the week that 40 weeks ago we had to say goodbye on mixed in with my work schedule, but hey...we have made a lot of challenging things work, so I am not overly worried.

Your sisters, Noam, and I came to Bear Pines this past Friday after the snowflakes appeared on my weather app.  I was worried about driving Saturday night in the rain/snow on already wet roads in the dark, Tzvi and aba were staying back in Phoenix until after his game Sunday morning, and I wanted to make sure we were here for that first of the snowfall.  It turned out to be the best idea because your siblings have been playing their little hearts out in the snow.  Tomorrow the snow won't be falling much anymore, but they will have a good amount to play with on their day off from school.  I was pretty impressed after we took pictures and they got changed into their play clothing that they stayed out for hours yesterday, Noam too.  They absolutely loved it, as did I...aba...not so much.  You know how he is about the cold.

You know politics isn't really ema's thing, but I feel I should share that this week the United States has gotten a new President and Vice-President-elect.  While I am not going to discuss my opinion of that in this letter to you, I will say that despite anyone's political party allegiance everyone should be able to appreciate how absolutely incredible it will be that we will have the first female vice president in January.  We have never limited any dreams of your siblings and we tried to fulfill ones that you might have had, and so to see this potential as something actually tangible for your sisters if they ever wished to embark on such a political journey is just an amazingly beautiful concept.

FBC is going back virtual due to Covid19 cases being on the rise in Maricopa County again.  My caseload will shift upwards a bit, but otherwise, because I haven't stopped providing virtual therapy, nothing else has changed for me.  Aba and I just continue to figure out the logistics of everything.  I almost considered sending your siblings back to school after Thanksgiving, and have been thinking maybe January, but now I continue to be unsure.  The ability to relocate every other week or whenever we can seems to be working right now for the majority of us, and so I am not personally in a rush.  I know aba doesn't care for the back and forth multiple times a week due to Tzvi and hockey, but otherwise, we are all fine.

Anyway my baby girl.  I must end another letter to you again and hope you receive my messages of love and sentiments.  I have no idea how the length of an entire pregnancy (although 1-4 weeks longer than any of mine) has passed and yet I have no little Sonzee to kiss on, hug, cuddle, or physically love. I am waiting for you to meet me in my dreams! (Although I thank you for the other signs you have sent my way).

Love always, 

Ema