Friday, November 2, 2018

Until

I admit that prior to having Sonzee I had no idea that becoming a special needs parent could happen to me.  While I knew anything was possible and working in the special needs field brought it semi close to home, I really did not think it would ever become my home.  Who would have thought those parents of the babies and preschoolers that were my clients back in 2008-2011 would now provide me with a different level of education and support.  I wonder if they worried for me when they knew I was pregnant each time.  I wonder if their hearts broke when one of their friends shared that they were now joining this unique and mighty elite club.

Even if you are told "the odds of" having a baby with XYZ are less than 1% you never expect YOU would become that statistic?  Literally almost daily a new Facebook friend of mine is having a baby.  The vast majority are (thankfully) healthy and amazing babies born to parents who don't seem to have considered what could have occurred.  Maybe they do and they just don't share those fears?  Maybe they really are obvious to rare.  Maybe they know but figure there is no point in worrying?

I will admit there is a little bitterness that occurs within me when I see my friends 3-4 year olds.  It just dawned on me yesterday that Sonzee should be in school with her cousins, sandwiched between their classes and playing with them at recess.  I know she has been 9 months younger and 18 months older than her cousins her whole life, but I did not stop to think about that fact.  It makes a little annoyed that they are all missing out on that experience.  (I know they have other ones, honestly, I don't care, I want the ones that are being missed).

The entire time I was pregnant with Sonzee's youngest brother I was a mess.  He is almost a year and it wasn't until recently that I have started to relax a little.  The fear of rare sneaking up on us again is real and at the forefront of my mind.  In a way I want a repeat because I feel like I missed out on enjoying his infancy.  When I think about how I had no idea about parenting a special needs child before Sonzee the way I do now, I think it was a blessing, and probably the reason no one ever really thinks about what could happen to them until it does?

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