Drained

This week has been especially exhausting.  While having four children and one with special needs could never be classified as a refreshing daily spa extravaganza, this past week has really taken a toll on me.  I have not fully recovered from my solo parenting gig while Sam was back east for 4 days.  I give MAD PROPS to those of you who are single parents...  (Please take a moment to pat yourself on the back while I clap my hands in a standing ovation).  I feel drained and just completely empty in all areas.  I almost feel as if whatever energy I had in me has been sucked out with an industrial vacuum cleaner, removing the fight I usually have from within me.  I am so burnt out from having to advocate and fight for literally every single thing related to Sonzee.  Why do I even need to fight?  I cannot comprehend why insurance companies, hospitals, doctors’ offices, the state system, etc. have a system that is essentially so broken that parents need to go to war for the tiniest little things.  I can only say that clearly those in upper level management have only had healthy family members, and g-d bless them, but so not helpful for me.

My body is tired, my brain is tired, my eyes are tired...there is literally not one part of me that is just not over it.  If I had a motto this week it would sound like Dane Cook in "Nothing Fight"..."...I don't even care...zzzzz...I don't even care...don't even care...”  My patience is thin, my tolerance is low, I have zero desire to blog, and I am definitely not in the mood to smile.  So what I have decided is that I am going to wallow in self-pity for a little, then take advantage of the amazing gift of me time that was donated to me this morning and I am going to get a large iced coffee afterwards.  Then I am going to smack myself across the face, paste on my smile, get some big girl panties on, and start my weekend in a much better place.  This way when Monday rolls around and I have to resume the chaos of crazy Zaila family life, I will be able to tackle it head on with a much better attitude.

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