Sunday, June 21, 2015

Wonder

Today, similar to other days I found myself staring at other mothers and/or fathers with a baby who appears to be around 4-6 months old.  I gave a quick smile and then thought, "I wonder what it would be like for Sonya to have been born with no CDKL5 mutation".  I wonder what it must be like to not have to stress about her having a seizure because her little body overheated simply getting out of the car and going into the mall.  I wonder why I took for granted how easy and natural it was for my other three kiddos to hold up their heads on their own.

According to Wikipedia, "wonder is an emotion comparable to surprise that people feel when perceiving something rare or unexpected".  How ironic that it's me perceiving something "rare or unexpected" in watching a typically developing baby rest on his/her parent.

I can only assume from the outside looking in there are those who look at our family from afar and might wonder what it is like to have four "healthy" children.  After all, Sonya is still in her infant seat and looks like any other typical baby.  The average person who has not come across Sonya's Story, wouldn't know that when they say an innocent line such as "enjoy it now, before you know it, they will be 18 and out of the house".  I wonder if that will actually be the case?!

When looking at others situations I think we all find ourselves wondering "what it would be like if..."  I think it is one of those natural human things.  Today I saw a lot of kids spending the day with their fathers, but there were kids with no dads and I wondered what might have happened.  While I went to the jewelers there were two men working, and I wondered if they had children and if it was okay to say happy Father's Day.   I didn't say it because I wasn't sure if maybe they lost their children or never had, and I didn't want to cause them more pain than they might already be experiencing.

While I have plenty to wonder about in regards to Sonya, today I am extremely thankful that I don't have to wonder what it must be like to celebrate a Father's Day with my kids sans their father or celebrate Father's Day without my dad.  My heart hurts for those of you who have to do any of those things listed above. I wonder how you made it through the day today, on top of every other day.  

For those of us lucky enough to have our fathers with us, be sure to give them an extra amount of appreciation.  For those who have unfortunately lost their fathers, I pray that today you spent the day reminiscing over fond memories and that you have found the strength to make it through.  

Happy Father's Day!