75 weeks

Dear Sonzee, 

It's crazy that it has been 75 weeks.  75 Mondays that you haven't experienced.  75 Mondays I have experienced without you. Somewhere along the way, I have even stopped picturing what we would potentially be doing together.  Instead, my mind wanders to what you might be doing with your independence and complete freedom.  The problem with that is that my mind I am sure limits your potential because you probably have no restrictions and can do literally anything and everything, including things my mind cannot even comprehend.  

This week Meena and Noam continued to enjoy day camp.  Meena won an award and Noam has all the counselors wrapped around his finger.  He is like the little "big kid on campus", everywhere he goes they all call after him, he eats up all the attention.  Laeya is loving camp, we got to speak to her for a little and Tzvi didn't complain but mentioned we should find a hockey camp for next summer.  You know how difficult is it to keep him excited about anything other than hockey for lengthy periods of time, such a pain.  They both have colds, but that is definitely par for the course.

We haven't made it over to Kelder's Farm yet, we were supposed to go yesterday, but the weather was not on our side.  To be honest, I keep seeing the pictures pop up and I am torn on going this year in general.  It will be with either you and Meena missing or you, Laeya, and Tzvi, and honestly...maybe it means we should just stay away?  

I have been doing some reading and have started to needlepoint. I am making Tzvi his talis and tefillin bag, figured a little less than 3 years gives me ample time.  I have been on a roll, but have a feeling wherever I finish off this summer is where I will pick back up next summer.  I actually look forward to working on it a little bit each day, so that is good.  

So many people have continued to seek me out to talk about you.  The only slightly awkward time was when one of Meena's friends asked about my necklace after looking at the charms and I explained Meena had a sister who died, and she looked confused and said she thought she heard me say you died, and I had to say that I did say that.  Noam mentioned he wanted you to come home the other day.  That is the 2nd time in the last 6 months he has said something about wanting you to come home.  I hate having to break his little heart by reminding him that you can't come home because you died.  

A few times, aba and I have talked to people who haven't known us and the conversation quickly turns to kids.  Thankfully the phrasing of the question keeps the conversation light and doesn't require us to explain every detail of our lives.  The topic quickly turns to blanket statements about camp and then they ask who is at camp.  It isn't that I don't want to bring you up, it is just I am in this weird place where I don't necessarily feel it is everyone's right to know about you.  The initial reaction from strangers is always "I am sorry", or some other platitudes and I don't feel like telling them "it's fine" because it is not, it is better to just avoid the entire situation. I did joke with aba that at one point I might just throw out that you are in camp heaven and see how much of a double-take people do.  I mean, it could be fun. "I have 2 kids in day camp, 1 in camp heaven, and 2 in Moshava".  

Anyway my love. I hope you had a great week and do again this week.  Love and miss you!

Until next time.

Love always, 

Ema