We were able to get away this weekend and have a much needed and anticipated break. I use the term "break" lightly because really no matter where we go, or how much of a relaxing environment we find ourselves in, or how beautiful the scenery, we really cannot just "take a break" from having a child who is complete 24/7 care. The distraction of being in a different location sort of helps to redirect our attention, but there is no forgetting or really even pausing of the life we are living. It does, however, give our family a different experience and allows for other opportunities for us all to bond and for our kids to maybe feel that their lives are not just about their sister.
I really did my best to be entirely in the moment the whole time we were away. There, of course, was the relocation of our home mini hospital, alarm reminders for medications, time spent making and starting/stopping her j-feeds, TPN preparation and infusion, machines beeping, daily seizures, middle of the night seizures, and naturally, middle of the night alarms ringing. These parts of our life don't just get to be put on hold because we want to venture to the snow, but they are a small price to pay for being able to do just that with Sonzee. The memories we made will stay with all of us forever, and we all had the "best time ever".
I have not lived in snowy conditions for 29.5 years and maybe I am crazy, but being out in the snow brought such a level of happiness to my soul. Maybe it is because I was only a child when we moved that the thought of being in the snow brings me utter excitement? I don't have negative memories of shoveling snow or scraping away ice on a car windshield. I don't remember if there were struggles getting in and out of the car in snow gear. I remember weekend ski trips and having fun with shovels in the front yard of our house. Maybe it is because I was just a young child with no cares in the world and winter was my happy place that I have this pull and desire to spend as much time as possible in a winter wonderland?
There is this beauty in the fact that white flakes fall from a darkened sky and erase any evidence of what happened the day before. The ground after even only a few hours creates a fresh canvas, allowing something brand new to unfold; a new story to be told. The view is always beautiful and breathtaking. The perfect picture painting of the contrast of life that is so apparent. Mountains covered by clouds, but with green pine trees visible holding the weight of pounds of white snow. House roofs covered in even sheets of white, dirt ground hidden, wildlife easily visible if they are out. It really is just a miraculous thing to see. While the outside imagery doesn't do much if anything to change what goes on behind the windows you may be viewing from, it gives you the opportunity to take a moment to reflect on the potential that could be, even if its brief, and even if its quickly erased, because you never know if something even more beautiful will present itself tomorrow.