Monday, September 3, 2018

Sonzee's Spa

Yesterday was one of those days that was strictly driven by an excess of adrenalin.  It will certainly take some time to fully decompress.  It was a day full of abundant smiles, an overflow of happy emotions, and a couple of moments of hidden happy tears.  It was a day that you can only dream of experiencing but honestly as a parent you never actually dream of happening to your family.  Forget when the reality of it all sneaks up on you much like the situation that brought you to the same point did in the first place.  It is one thing when you tell your children to close their eyes on their birthday and "make a wish" while blowing out their candles, but when you dream up a wish that you know will bring an immense amount of joy to every remaining day of your 3.5 year old daughter's life from this point forward (no matter how many more there will be) it hits you like a ton of bricks when it comes to fruition.

The sheer magnitude of yesterday is almost too much to actually comprehend.  There is a 22,450lb aquatic training vessel sitting on a slab of concrete in our backyard.  Typing those words brings tears to my eyes and a lump in my throat.  I did not even process that we have a child who qualified for a "Make a Wish", and now I cannot process that when I look into our backyard there is now "Sonzee's Spa".  Much like the day we were handed a packet about epilepsy and told to take our then 5.5-week-old daughter, who was still having at least 12 seizures a day while on medication, home from the hospital, Sam and I felt completely overwhelmed with the spa, the spa manual, and the chemical routine we were given.  

I wonder how it is supposed to feel when you have a "Wish Kid".  We know the reality of having a medically complex child.  Nothing has changed in a day, but oddly after yesterday it weighs a bit heavier on my shoulders.  If I am honest every day that passes by I get a little more scared about how many that means we might have left.  I choose to keep these thoughts in the recesses of my mind, yet answer honestly when asked about her prognosis by others.  I know there are different philosophies of how best to "handle" this reality, and every parent who finds him or herself in this position has their individual way they feel is best.  For me it is to acknowledge the reality but not become suffocated.  I will compare my thoughts to the brown water in Sonzee's Spa.  Yesterday the water was as dark brown as possible, but the chemicals will slowly work amazing magic and by next week our little mermaid will find herself enjoying daily swims.  The threat of the water going brown will always remain, but we will do our best to keep it as clear as possible so she can enjoy herself as much as possible.  Yesterday the reality of what it means that my child is a "Wish Kid" hit me hard, but by next week the harshness will dissipate and left behind will be the same slight nagging presence that we have felt since April of 2015.

There really is no clear way to express the thoughts going on in my mind.  We will forever be grateful to Marquis spa's, Stafford Tower Crane, Make a Wish Arizona, all of our friends and family that were present with us virtually and in person, and everyone that played a role in making Sonzee's Spa become a reality.  

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