Monday, August 27, 2018

Dear Newly Diagnosed Parent

Dear Newly Diagnosed Parent, 

Welcome.  Today is the first of many days that your heart will simultaneously break and be put back together at the same time.  After all, when you agreed to the testing that has led you to this moment you did not really expect for the results to bring you here, to this point, an answer.  An answer that will undoubtedly leave you with more questions then you even know to ask and one that will never actually bring you any real type of closure.  

Whether you have reached this point while your child is still in-utero, hours, days, weeks, or years old, those of us who are already on this journey will become your best friends.  We have all worn a similar pair of shoes and while our children may not have the same diagnosis or the same presentation of the same disorder, we all get it in a way that others will never be able to.  No matter how far along we all may be on our own individual journeys I can assure you, we are all still grieving at various times and even if we look put together, we continue to take our turns falling apart.  

While I wish I could offer you a way to heal your now broken heart, that my friend will only come with time and in ways you aren't capable of grasping today.  Today is the beginning of your new journey, please try to wade through the waters slowly, and at your own pace.  The waves will come crashing at you and you may feel like you are drowning, be sure to grasp onto that life line even if it leaves just your nose and mouth out of the water.  Take deep slow breaths and remind yourself that nothing has changed since the moment you were actually told there was a reason for what your child has been going through.

My new friend, what I want you to know is that no matter how much time continues to pass from this day the emotions will remain raw and triggering moments will catch you off guard and always when you least expect them to do so.  You will welcome new parents into this club more than you would prefer, and each time it will be a moment mixed with excitement and sadness.  You will want to tell them everything you have learned since you first stood in their place, but you will remember back to that exact time and you will take a deep breath and just tell them to contact you when they are ready. 

One of the most important lessons I have been taught on this journey is that some things we all have to learn on our own and at our own pace, but eventually we all learn it.  There is no right or wrong way to sift through the cobwebs you have found yourself tangled in, so find a good circle of support, grab multiple boxes of tissues, and tell yourself that you will survive, it will not be easy, but "the greater your storm, the brighter the rainbow" - original author unknown.

A mom to a child who was diagnosed 3 years 4 months, and 11 days ago

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