Monday, July 9, 2018


Yesterday we did our annual summer day trip to Kelder's Farm.  My older kids absolutely love berry picking and going on the hayride and trampoline, feeding the animals, and milking the cow.  It is always a fun day and we share the experience with our family friends who have three children; their oldest is older than all of mine, their middle one is the same age as my oldest, and their youngest is a couple of months younger than Sonzee.  Over the years being around their youngest daughter has not really made me sad, just always leaves me in awe thinking of where Sonzee might be if she were typical.  However, this year as she is closer to being three it stings in a different sort of way.

Sonzee's older sister who is 5 has been playing with their youngest daughter almost every day.  They are so cute, and because my daughter is petite, they look close to being the same age, and make the cutest set of pals; hugging each other, laughing, and being silly together.  I was looking back through my pictures from our day at the farm and could not help but feel a pang in my chest as I saw all the pictures of the two of them on the trampoline and holding each other in the smiley-est embraces.  

Those pictures shouted at me "Someone is missing", "She is supposed to be 'Sonzee's friend'", "I should be settling the argument that she could be both of their friends".  It is always these random insignificant moments that crawl into my heart and tug at it in a way I could not have expected.  I have come to know these situations will occur, but since they are unpredictable in a sense, I am never quite prepared for how they will present themselves.  It is on the most perfect fun filled family days that the reality of who Sonzee was not afforded the opportunity to be, sneaks up unexpectedly and says "peek-a-boo".  

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