Thursday, May 11, 2017

it will be...

I feel like there used to be a time when I could undoubtedly say to someone "things will be fine".  I do not remember second guessing the words or ever really giving it an extra thought of whether the outcome would actually be "fine", because of course it would be.  Everything works out...until it does not, and then you realize saying "everything will be fine" may not actually set a person at ease, because no, things may not be.  There used to be a time that my neurotic parenting fears were based off reading blogs of parents going through horrific battles, or having a friend of a friend experience something rare and challenging with their child.  Then one day, two years ago I am the one who began blogging.

I wish I could back to a time when my fears were completely irrational instead of them being because I am parenting a medically complex child who has changed the way I parent all my children.  I wish I could go back to a time when my brain would interpret ailments for what they were instead of everything turning into a code red/worst case scenario.  I wish I had not let this life get me so jaded.  I know there is always hope for the best, but I struggle believing the outcome will be "fine". 

It is a hard place to be stuck in between wanting to believe "things will be fine", reality, and things actually turning out to be fine.  I find myself holding back telling others things will work out and then I wonder if that is helpful or not.  I know people have to have hope, but I feel like it isn't my place to reassure someone when I honestly do not know...will things be fine?

I do believe everything will be the way it is meant to be, but no, I do not always feel things will always be fine.  I do however believe no matter what it is, you will be able to handle it.

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