Wednesday, September 30, 2015


Everyone has been faced with a situation in his/her life that would be classified as horrific.  A loss of a loved one, a terminal or severe illness of oneself, a close friend, or family member, a negative birthing experience, a devastating accident, and/or a loss of a job to name a few.

While experiencing a hardship I often wonder if it's better to live in reality or fantasy.  I personally feel that reality keeps us grounded, keeps us honest, keeps us from getting ahead of ourselves.  While the fantasy can give us hope, our minds a break, and a sense of comfort.  Maybe both are necessary to keep us whole.

I like to be realistic in my dreams for Sonya.  I would much prefer to have attainable goals than unrealistic expectations.  I would like her to use her hands functionally, smile socially, communicate with words, hands, or a device.  I would like her to crawl, pull herself up, cruise furniture, and eventually walk.  I would like her to be as "typical" as possible.  I think that is where my reality dips into the land of fantasy.  Where the two converge in some middle territory without a specific label.

On one side of my brain I have the reality that she is a 7.5 month old baby girl who looks perfect to strangers, yet her perfectly looking body doesn't work the way she wants it to.  Inside that beautifully shaped head of hers at any second is a 4th of July fireworks show ready to light up the sky.  While she uses her thumb for soothing, her fists remain clenched and she doesn't reach or hold onto objects.  She smiles on occasion but rarely on her own accord in response to social stimuli.  The reality is, she is far from "typical".  

So in my mind I can picture her dancing and holding a fork.  I can see her running around with her sisters and brother, part of their little club.  I can see her jumping around and acting goofy.  Yet, it can often feel draining living in a fantasy world.  Yes the grass is greener and the sky is brighter.  There is less worry and fear. In the fantasy, I know anything is possible.  I also know a fantasy can become a reality, maybe rare and a fantasy in itself, but still possible.  

I think at some point it is healthier to just deal with the reality.  The fantasy doesn't change the current situation or the facts. As difficult as the reality is, it is what it is.  Not for good, not bad, not for any specific reason...just because.

I can say that the best part about a reality and a fantasy is when the two blur together in a collision, making a clear distinction between the two a challenge, and therefore giving a sense of comfort without you knowing whether it's real or simply a fantasy in your head.

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