105 weeks

Dear Sonzee, 

This last week was tough.  It's hard to believe but yet not that another entire year has passed without you here.  Today marks the first week into year #3.  There was a lot to deal with emotionally this last week and it'll just follow forward.  My goal for Thursday was to get out of bed, so I was able to meet that goal by 7am.  I considered the day a win.  I brought you a soapstone owl.  Laeya helped decide that one.  I still need to paint all your rocks, but I have 5 of them sitting at home waiting for some color.

Last week a few of your siblings had 24 hours of cold symptoms.  I still being my panic spiral concerned someone is going to die whenever something enters our home, but I can usually get off the ledge with some assistance.  It isn't the true panic that I used to have with you, it is more my anxiety and my brain trying to convince me that something awful is going to occur and I am going to have to bury someone else next to you.  I had a sore throat and lost my mind.  If only I could regulate my brain to not jump to the worst conclusions.  It is really hard, but even more so during these weeks of intense grief.  (Which will be coming to a yield in just 4 days).

This last week should've started birthday week for you.  I have yet to fully figure out how to do that without you here.  It still doesn't make sense to have a day to celebrate another year of someone who cannot be here to celebrate it.  It is a challenge to comprehend this will be our 3rd time.  I cannot believe you would be turning 7.  Again, you are still 4.

Yesterday your brother had a hockey game.  They didn't win but honestly played amazing.  Thank you for helping him out to score that goal!  I told aba last night that right before it happened I asked you to help him out and give him a goal.  It is the 2nd time I have truly requested your assistance, and I appreciate that you helped him out.  When it happened it brought me such immense joy for him, to see how excited and proud of himself he was, and also made me give you a nod!  I appreciate it when you take the time to join his games.  (Don't forget, Fargo, this weekend, really cold, lots of games, would love to win some!).

Anyway baby girl. I am going to run!  I miss you!!

Until next time. 

Love always!

Ema