11 days

I thought possibly as time went on that I would get over it, maybe even get used to it, or that it would become easier.  It didn't, it hasn't, and I realize it won't.  At 9am this morning I had already given Sonzee a loading dose of Keppra and while that broke the cluster of spasms she had been having for 20 minutes, an hour and a half later she had another 11-minute seizure.  This is just part of the severe form of intractable epilepsy that comes with CDKL5.  I sometimes wonder what good it is to have received her CDKL5 diagnosis when all it is did was bring us a reason as to why she was having seizures, but no solution on how to make it end.

11 days now remain until the anniversary of diagnosis day, yet not a day has gone by since the official day that I don't have some type of flashback or vivid memory of that specific day.  I suppose the day doesn't even need to be acknowledged on its own because we live the representation of CDKL5 every single day.  For some reason, though I cannot get over the significance of that day.  I have the quote "what a difference a day makes" written above significant happier dates our family has experienced and inside a frame in the playroom.  I wonder about the difference we would be experiencing had April 16, 2015 not lead us to the knowledge of CDKL5.