3 years in and I am beyond the daydream of seeing Sonzee playing with her siblings by the swing set or running around. My mind knows better than to even go into that zone, but my heart, well that does not always get the memo. I sat at the table having a fantastic time talking, laughing, smiling, and truly enjoying myself, but part of me was with Sonzee wondering what she was thinking. Was she really happy sitting in front of the screen? Did she want to be running around with her siblings? Was she really content? Does the heat really bother her?
I hate that so many times she is physically with us, but we are not completely present with her. We are unable to cross over into her world, or be privy to any of her thoughts. Even though we walk over to her, give her a kiss every time we walk by, and say "hey Sonzee, how's it going?", I feel like we are neglecting her. I can't help but wonder if what we do is okay, or if she wishes it were different, that we were different with her. As soon as the sun was out of a direct hit, Sam brought her outside and let her enjoy the breeze. She loves sitting in the breeze, and so there she sat playing with her hands, looking as if she couldn't be happier. Yet, I kept glancing over wondering if she could be.
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