Friday, August 28, 2015

In 5 years

Last week our oldest daughter went to her first day of Kindergarten.  She was so excited she was literally waking up for at least 4 days prior asking me if today was the day she was going to go to school.  I was so excited for her as well.  In my mind Kindergarten was no different then her going to preschool; except this would be her first time attending school all day and she would be wearing a uniform.  I knew she was ready and so I happily counted down the days with her. 

Finally the anticipation was over and the day came.  She got up before her alarm clock, she got dressed in record time, she did all of her morning routine with excitement and it was time to drop her off at school.  We walked her into her classroom, and I am not sure what exactly is in the air in a kindergarten classroom, but all of a sudden my vision became blurry.  Maybe it was one of the students who was crying for his mom that got to me?  Or was it simply that my baby girl placed her backpack and lunchbox into her cubby, found her desk with her name on it, sat down and began to color with the biggest grin, all while holding her head up proudly?!  (Oh to be five again.  If I could freeze time at any age, five has always been the age I would go to).

My heart was so excited for her, but at the same time I felt so many other emotions.  We quickly left and I was so proud of myself for holding back the potential waterfall.  We dropped our son off in his preschool classroom, and those darn tears were back,  but again I pushed them away.  As we left, Sam asked me if I was ok...and I nodded "yes".  I was more than ok.  I was so excited for both of my kids for their new experiences they were going to encounter.  It was just a bit sad that I wouldn't be there to experience them.

Later during the day I looked at all the pictures I took of them in front of our chalkboard holding their grades on a sign.  That is when the thought snuck in...will Sonya go to school?  If she does, will it be to the same school that the other three will go to?  Why does it matter if she goes to a different school?  I am aware any of our children could end up in different schools, so why be worried about it?!  What will she look like when she has her sign?  I can already picture our middle daughter holding her school sign next year.  Her dark hair, brown eyes, and little face shining brightly.  Her smile is one you can see for miles.  She will hold her sign proudly and be so excited that she finally gets to stay at the same place she has been to drop off and pick up her brother and sister. 

When I look 5 years down the road, I don't have a clear picture of how Sonzee will look.  So many unknowns, so many paths we will have to cross before then. Hopefully we will have many many milestones to celebrate with her along the way.  Regardless if she is sitting, standing, or physically supported you can bet it will be in front of a chalkboard wall, next to her proud siblings with a sign that says Kindergarten.