Sonzee "turns" 11

Dear Sonzee, 

Firstly, happy 11th birthday baby girl wherever you are. I hope you are able to celebrate and maybe even have a party with all of your friends. Today is actually or rather would be your golden birthday. Fitting your siblings haven't had theirs, so you mark the first one. Tzvi says it is stupid and even when it is his, he won't care. (Too bad I will make it the most ridiculous day for him, and since he will be in his 20's it will be even better!!!) I still cannot understand how this is the 6th birthday you have celebrated without us, without us being able to decorate your bedroom door and spoil you with I don't even know what. This year I got a new sign for the front yard, a new sign for your grave, and a fake birthday cake that is red and white for you. (We'll see how long Mr. Ira lets these stay this year).

As in 2024, Aba reminded me again how much I hated your birthday during your life; not sure if it is more or less than my feelings now. I decided today might be worse than your deathaversary. There is just something about honoring a day created specifically for a person who isn't here to be honored. The day isn't supposed to be about me, or anyone else, it is supposed to be about you. Where are you even??? What are you doing? What do you look like? What do you like? What would you like if you were here? I keep waiting for these days to not dig deep into my soul as much. Guess what?! 6 years and 6 birthdays isn't the magic number. Harper's mommy is at 10 years and 9 birthdays and she isn't giving me much hope. But we did decide when you and Harper's siblings are out of the houses all grown up and moving forward with their lives, we will just drive to each other to eat cheesecake and drink wine together, so there's that future to look forward to!

Today I packed my day with lots of work. I have learned keeping busy is the best thing for me or else it won't be good. It will finish off with Zoyo for Meena since it's PJ Day, and maybe they will finally have new flavors. I hope you are being spoiled and doing whatever it is you want to have the best day. I miss you beyond words. Since I can't find the right words to finish this letter with. I will leave you with lyrics to a song.

I know you're up in heaven

But damn it hurts like hell

'Cause I'd just be pretending

If I said anything else

And I know God don't make mistakes

But this sure feels like one

That won't change the facts

That won't bring you back

So I'll cry 'cause it's over

And smile because we had you

Packed a whole lot of living

Even though it ended all too soon

And in time, I'll start healing

But even when I get that feeling

No matter where I go or what I do

I'll never not remember you

Thank God for all the memories

And pictures on my phone

They don't fill the empty

But I feel less alone

And I know you're with the angels

Right where you belong

'Cause you were one to us

You left a legacy of love

Love you and miss you!

Until next time. 

HAPPY 11TH BIRTHDAY.

Love always, 

Ema