Tuesday, August 24, 2021

81 weeks and 1 day

Dear Sonzee, 

I feel like this was one of those "longest weeks ever" types of weeks.  It took us close to the entire time to find a rental for the month and we are debating what we are going to do after this month is up.  We found out the damage is pretty rough, which we knew, but now we know more.  My, well, really it turns out it was aba's too, so our worst fears came to fruition and we have to remove the furniture in your room. Your bed, the bookshelf with all of your stuff, that horrible Ikea chair that I absolutely hate and didn't understand how your nurses never complained, the walls...they all have to go.  It is a lot to process, more than aba and I really can, so we continue to push it off. I am sure in next week's letter I will tell you how having everything taken out was a close to second to the day I had to walk you out of the house to never return.  The fact that the last place you ever laid and the only room you ever knew will be gone along with you, is really honestly way too much for us.  It is bringing a lot of serious conversations to the table (that we were avoiding).  My logical brain says it makes zero sense to replace your bed or replicate your room, you aren't here to use any of it and what is the point.  The emotional part of me says to keep it all despite the damage.  The logic will win, but the emotional is not going to recover.

We spent the weekend out of the house and it was nice to escape the noise of the fans and the chaos of the house.  I have your clothing in a box now, so maybe I will reach out to those who I have been in contact with to make quilts.  We have one, it is absolutely amazing, but now I want every article of your clothing made into a quilt for your siblings as well.  Truthfully I can't really look at the first one that was made because it makes me cry, but one day I know I will, and it has set the bar really high for the next quilter.

Tzvi had his team hockey party Sunday, I am really excited over the new colors! You would have looked adorable in all the purple, silver, and black.  I have my boots ready to go and new sweatshirts on the way!  I am really excited for him and all that he has in store this year for his hockey growth, make sure you pop into a game or two or send some of that awesome juju!

Anyway my love.  I miss you a ton and am starting to be more mindful of the signs you are sending me. They may not be what I want per se, but I am starting to acknowledge they might actually be from you, it is just tough.  

Stay safe and healthy and have fun!

(oh, and ps: make sure you tell uncle happy birthday!)

Until next time.

Love always, 

The Mighty Contributor

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