Today starts another school year over here in Phoenix, Arizona. The weather still feels like summer, so besides the fact that we have been home only 12 days and it feels like so much longer because the kids and I are ALL so ready to resume our typical routines, it doesn't feel like a new school year should be beginning. My back to school shopping concluded with literally half a page of yellow highlighter over the items purchased, as it covered three different grades on the left side of the paper. This morning we will have a first grader and a kindergartner, and on Monday, we will have a preschooler attending three days a week. I find myself (as usual) with a mixed set of emotions.
Since the summer of 2011 I have always had at least two children who were two and under by my side on a daily basis. We have always followed a schedule of activities that kept us all busy, me especially. There has always been special alone time factored in with each child as much as possible. The other times were days of special bonding for the remaining siblings at home. This year will be no different on Tuesday and Thursday, but on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday, it will just be the bear and I flying solo. I am extremely excited to have this time with her, especially since in a year from now the discussion of preschool for her will be brought up, and that gives us a year to start to figure out what our feelings are on that topic. At the same time, it is slightly sad for me because the types of alone time I will be sharing with Sonzee will be vastly different from the others.
I am finding myself play the "I wonder what it would be like if Sonzee were a typical 18 month old" game. I know this does absolutely nothing as far as helping me during this lifetime. Yet, it is a game I tend to play during these types of events. I honestly can't stop the images and thoughts take over my mind...and to be honest there are definitely days where I get wrapped up in my daydream and I entertain it a minute too long because it brings me such joy. It is obviously not the same type of joy she brings into my actual life, but it is similar to one of those fantasy dreams that you wake up from and you think about for another 5 minutes or so imagining how it would be if it were your real life. Sure, our schedule is packed with therapies and activities for us to enjoy together, as well as quiet time to relax, but I will not even lie to myself and say it will be the same.
I know Sonzee and I are going to have such a great year together on our "Sonzee & Ema days", going on special dates, going shopping, participating in activities, etc. I also know it is going to be challenging to participate in the above-mentioned activities because going out with Sonzee is not as simple as going out with a typical 18 month old. I know there are going to be days that will make me feel more sad than I can even anticipate, but I also know there are going to be days that I will feel happier and more thankful for my title of a mom with a child who has special needs...because no matter what, these times we will share will be absolutely special.
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