Heaven couldn't wait for you...

Dear Sonzee, 

Hi baby girl!! How are you doing?? I am sure you know how everything has been going down here. But, to quickly summarize, Laeya is living her best life in Israel. Our Passover plans to join her literally got blown up, so we are staying in Phoenix. Twin girl is really just disappointed she won't get her new clothing and stuff she had wanted us to bring her (haha). She is doing amazing there seriously (as I am sure you are aware). Meena killed her gymnastics season. She ended up qualifying for states and regionals, so her and I will be heading to California after Passover. Tzvi finished off his season sadly not as a state champion; despite having the best record for his bracket, they just lost the wrong game. He has improved immensely this year with his game, and I am excited to see where he lands next year. Noam has been trying out baseball, school soccer, and has asked Aba to get him onto the ice, so we will see where he ends up with in the hockey department. 

The dreaded heavy panicky, weighted grief has settled its way into my chest. 6 years in, I am now a pro. It only took me a whopping 5 minutes to realize what it was. Passover starts Wednesday, another holiday without you being here, it gets me all the time. I would have hoped by now it wouldn't still feel so yucky, but I guess that is just how it will go. The positive is just that I know what the feelings are, and I know they will come. So, I also know I have to just put on the grief soundtrack, sit with it all, and write you a letter. We will put this in the category of "grief maturity". Huh, maybe I just coined something?! I would prefer something catchier, so I will work on that. Anyway, baby girl. I just wanted to send you a note to let you know that I miss you and love you a lot! I will leave you with the lyrics of a song that is playing on repeat in my mind and sums it all up. 

Until next time. 

Love always, 

Ema

Heaven Couldn't Wait For You

Song by

Isaac Mather 

I still replay the last goodbye

The memory's burned into my mind

I held your hand, you closed your eyes

When you took your last breath, so did I

They said time heals, but that's a lie

It hurts worse as each day goes by

And it keeps me up at night

Heaven couldn't wait for you

It's killing me to face the truth

And it all feels wrong, 'cause you're gone

And I don't know what the hell to do

I didn't wanna let you go

'Cause moving on hurts the most

Why did the good ones always

Go too soon?

Heaven couldn't wait for you

I see you up in the stars at night

Wondering what is Heaven like

I wish I could be right by your side (oh)

If God's up there then ask Him why

He didn't give us a little more time

I thought that you'd survive

But heaven couldn't wait for you

It's killing me to face the truth

And it all feels wrong, 'cause you're gone

And I don't know what the hell to do

I didn't wanna let you go

'Cause moving on hurts the most

Why did the good ones always

Go too soon?

Heaven couldn't wait for you (Heaven couldn't wait, Heaven couldn't wait)

Oh

Heaven couldn't wait for you (Heaven couldn't wait, Heaven couldn't wait)

Oh

I wasn't ready to lose you

The angels don't deserve you

I'd trade forever to hold you

But you left before I knew

Heaven couldn't wait for you

It's killing me to face the truth

And it all feels wrong 'cause you're gone

And I don't know what the hell to do

I didn't wanna let you go

'Cause moving on hurts the most

Why did the good ones always

Go too soon?

Heaven couldn't wait for you (Heaven couldn't wait, Heaven couldn't wait)

Oh

Heaven couldn't wait for you (Heaven couldn't wait, Heaven couldn't wait)

Oh