That one time...

I am not the most comfortable when it comes to direct sales, it makes me uncomfortable to send personal messages on Facebook, send texts on my phone and put myself out there, yet I became a Younique consultant over the summer.  Truthfully it was really just because I wanted a discount on the makeup products I was going to be buying anyway.  My sister thought it would be fun to do live videos on Facebook, and we started off doing them semi often, but then life continued to happen and we really haven't been doing any.  They are honestly fun to do together and we have a good laugh or two, which is really the entire point, neither of us really emphasized the selling component of the makeup, but if it happened, it's a perk.  Then about 3 weeks ago a friend of mine who has purchased mascara from me told me about a vendor fair that was going to be taking place yesterday, and for some reason I said "This sounds like a great idea".

Over the last two weeks a lot has been loaded on our plate in regards to the direction of Sonzee's care.  It seemed as if things were unknown and up in the air for so long and then all of a sudden the logistics came together, yet mentally nothing is actually cohesive.  I would be lying if I said everything was surprise, yet I would also be lying if I said everything was not.  While some of what lays ahead are based on the recent situation where we became aware of just how fragile her bones actually are, the other things are based off of conversations and care conferences that have been occurring for months, and topics that have been discussed for literally years.  In addition to everything that is going to occur she has been sick and missed an entire week of school, and my emotions and thoughts are really all over the place.

As I sat in the room yesterday with various vendors, it was only fitting that the makeup counter from Nordstrom was placed across from me one table over, their setup taking up two long tables.  Women who have clearly done these sort of events before.  Women who brought those fancy makeup chairs and wore the makeup brush aprons.  I wanted to leave the minute they began to set up their table.  After all, it was the first night of Hanukkah, I was missing attending the candle lighting with my family, and we only have 3 nights of Hanukkah as a unit before Sonzee and I fly solo on the 8th floor of PCH for g-d knows how long.  I felt guilty I said yes to this event, I felt angry that I didn't stand a chance at selling anything when I was missing out on crucial family time.  I felt upset and scared about everything that is coming our way.  So there was that one time that I sat at my first vendor event, wondering what the heck I was doing there in the first place, in front of complete strangers and my close friend and cried.  And then I wiped away my tears, acknowledged that it wasn't about the vendor event, made some friends, and even made a sale.

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